It Can Work Out

Tommy

From what I've read, approximately 10% of the world population is gay. That means that one in ten people you know is probably gay. My Dad likes to gamble a little and he says that only a fool thinks he can win on a 10 to one shot. I guess that means I'm most likely going to lose.

I'm Tommy. I live in your typical middle class neighborhood. I just turned 14 about a month ago. A couple of weeks ago, I came to the absolutely terrifying conclusion that I beat the odds. I'm gay. I didn't necessarily WANT to be gay, it just happened.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to accept that I'm different than my friends? To be scared that they'll find out? That they might tell anyone? That they might tell EVERYONE? I guess I'll have to do what just about every other gay boy has to do to at least survive high school. I'll have to lie. To act in a way that is just so against how I'm actually feeling. To be someone I'm not. Just because... I'm afraid.

I wonder sometimes what it would be like if everyone knew. I've heard stories. Kids getting kicked out of their homes because their parent or parents can't accept having a 'freak' for a son. Having people who were supposedly your friends beat the living shit out of you. People who told you that they'd have your back no matter what tell you that they never want to even think about you again. I'm sorry, but I don't think I could deal with that.

So, for now, I'll play the game. I'll pretend I'm someone other than I am. I still wonder how I'm going to pull that off for four more years until I move out or go to college. If only things were different. If only I could find ONE person who would understand. Someone I could talk to. Someone I could confide in. That would make all the difference in the world.

Andy

Moving sucks. I had to leave everyone I knew, everyone I grew up with, everyone I cared about. Now I have to start over. No friends. Making friends is difficult enough if you're normal, but it's almost impossible when you're gay. Not when you're 14 and in High School. Most High School kids are SO homophobic. They're afraid that if you're gay you'll infect them somehow. So instead of treating you like a diseased leper, they treat you like you don't exist at all.

Back where we used to live I had just told my best friends that I was gay. I'd actually built up enough trust to tell them, and they were cool about it. Well most of them were. Now, I've got to start over, so, for safety's sake, I'll put myself back in the closet. Maybe, eventually, I'll get close enough to my new friends to feel safe coming out... again.

School starts in four days. I'll hoping it's not going to be that bad, but I'm not holding my breath.

Dad is taking me into the office to get me enrolled and stuff. As I'm sitting there I'm looking out at the kids walking in the hallway outside the office. There are a LOT of cute guys. Finally, Dad calls me over and the lady behind the desk hands me my schedule. Looking it over I see a name under mine. Thomas Taylor. He's supposed to be my "Student Helper". When I asked what that was, I was told that he was supposed to help me find my classes, help me feel like 'one of the guys'. I'm sure he's about as thrilled about it as I am. But, I'm not gonna prejudge him. I'm going to try. But, I'm nervous. I'm scared. Yet, I'm hopeful.

Tommy

When I came down for breakfast this morning, Mom told me that she'd gotten a call from the school a few minutes earlier. That I was being asked to show a new kid around the school. I don't know why I let her talk me into this "Student Helper" program they started. I'm going to have to show some kid around the school. Talk to him. Make him feel welcome. But my fear is he'll be able to look straight through my facade and see things I don't want him to see. Well, time will tell.

I finish my breakfast and leave a little early, figuring I'll have to show up in the office before 1st bell. On the way I start wondering what the kid will be like. Will it be a girl or a boy. If it's a boy, will he be cute? I hope not. It's much easier to hide my feelings if I'm not in any way attracted to someone.

As I walk into the office and look around I see him and one of my fears jumps out at me. He's cute. Totally cute. Blond hair, blue eyes, cute button nose. He's wearing a Nickleback T-Shirt, blue jeans that actually look a little tight. His skin is flawless. He's looking down at the ground as he sits on the bench and he looks a little sad.

I take a deep breath and walk over to the secretary. I tell her my name and she's all, "Yes, Thomas. Thank you for being early." She then calls over to him, "Andrew, please meet Thomas, he's going to help you get used to Hidden Valley High."

He looks up and sees me for the first time, and I swear he hides a grin. I walk over and we bump fists. "Hey. I'm Tommy, not Thomas, and Welcome to Hidden Valley, I guess".

Andy

Dad left me a while ago and I'm just sitting here getting more nervous as time goes by. Looking at the clock there's still almost 30 minutes till classes start. As I sit there I hear someone walk in. I kind of take a peek at him and he's hot. TOTALLY hot. He's got brown hair in a kind of skater bowl kind of cut, he's wearing these kind of cool looking cargo pants and a t-shirt with the name of some band I've never heard of. When he looks my way, I hope he didn't see me looking, not the best first impression to make getting caught staring at someone you haven't even met yet.

Anyway, he walks up to the secretary and says something, a few seconds later, she calls me over and introduces us. When she finally releases us he walks over to me and offers to bump fists and tells me his name. Looking into his hazel eyes, I'm momentarily paralyzed. Thankfully, I'm able to get my wits about me fast enough that he hopefully didn't notice.

He said that his name was "Tommy, not Thomas" and he welcomed me. I guess that was what he was supposed to do, so, I told him, "I'm Andy, not Andrew." and I give him a little bashful smile, I couldn't help it.

He takes me out of the office and asks to see my schedule. He looks at it and an odd expression crosses his face. He reaches into his backpack and pulls out his own schedule. He puts the two side by side and grins. "Now I know why they put us together for this 'Student Helper' thing. Our schedules are identical. Just stick with me and everything will be cool."

We still had like 15 minutes till first bell so we walked over to our lockers, which, just happened to be right next to each other, we put our stuff in and kind of stopped to talk a little. He asked me about my old school, if I had any friends. If I'd met anyone here since we moved. Stuff like that. He seemed friendly enough. I really hope he doesn't pick up on how attracted to him I am. I can't help it.

First days of school are a total waste. Nothing really gets done, books get passed out, seating charts are made, I get stared at by everyone who's been there like forever. I just hoped that my internal struggle around other boys isn't as obvious.

The day goes pretty well. Tommy and I had lunch together and I found out that we actually only lived like one block away from each other. Our interests were pretty similar, and it was nice to kind of get to know him a bit better. Heck, by the end of the day, I actually felt I was on my way to making a friend.

Tommy

Okay Tommy, get a hold of yourself. This is going to be more difficult than I thought. Andy and I went through the first half of the day together. I took him to where our lockers were. Of course the school put our lockers next to each other. We talked for a bit and I found out a few things about him. The more the day progressed the harder it was for me to not entertain little private fantasies about him.

We went to lunch and just talked. He was SOOOOO easy to talk to. He told me about his old home. His old friends. I could tell he kind of missed them. I tried to be as friendly as I could without seeming to be 'too friendly' if you get my meaning. We had a lot of stuff in common. We both liked the same kind of music. Neither of us was really that into sports. We even had the same tastes in movies. Heck, he even lived like a block from my place. I hope I don't screw this up, I could really use a friend. Especially one who seems as cool as Andy.

We finished lunch and then the rest of the school day. The he asked me if I wanted to walk home together. Of course I said yes.

Andy

At the end of the day we decided to walk home together. My house was a little closer to the school than his was, so I invited him in. I gave him a quick tour and, when he noticed nobody was home he asked if I wanted to go to his place. I left a note for my rents with his address and phone number and we took off.

Arriving at his house we went in and his Mom was there. Tommy introduced me to her and she seemed nice. I made sure to use my best manners. Dad always told me that you only got one chance to make a first impression, and if I wanted Tommy and I to be friends, which I REALLY did, I'd have to get his rents to like me, I guess. She offered us a snack, Tommy totally accepted for both of us. Then he kind of looked at me with a little blush and said,

"Dude, I'm sorry, I should have asked if you wanted anything before just accepting for both of us."

I laughed. But I think it was sweet that he thought about it. "No probs, I can't remember the last time I ever turned down free food." He chuckled at that and his mom just smiled. She gave us a couple glasses of juice and some little sandwiches. When I tasted the juice, I was like, "OH MY GOD! It's SUNNY D! That is my absolute favorite!" Tommy laughed at that and said it was his fav too.

We ate our sandwiches and drank our Sunny D then Tommy took me up to see his room. His room was not what I expected. I figured he was your typical 14 year old so his room would be a typical 14 year old's room. Messy. This room was almost immaculate. He had a laptop on his desk that was hooked up to a huge TV on the wall. He had a Wii system also hooked up the TV. One of his bookshelves held a collection of DVDs and CDs. When I looked at the titles they were all some of my favorites. He also had a bunch of music from groups I've never heard of, like the name of the group on his shirt. Names like The Juniors, and Bajikans, and Yeallow. He told me they were indie groups from Europe. He put on one of the CDs and I really liked what I heard.

We sat on his bed, side by side, and just talked. We talked like we'd known each other for years. I couldn't help but fall for him. Just a little bit. But there was no way I wanted to mess this up by giving him an idea that I felt the way I did.

Tommy

We walked over to his place then when nobody was home at his place I asked if he wanted to hang out at mine. He left his rents a note and we walked to my place. Mom was there and I think she was impressed by how polite Andy was. She asked if we wanted something to snack on and I immediately answered that we did. But, then I realized, I should have asked him if he wanted something. When I apologized he totally said it was no big deal. I was really relieved. I don't know why I am getting so nervous about him. I'm having feelings about him that are way too strong for having just met.

When Mom put our drinks down and he took a sip, he was all excited. He loved Sunny D! Just like me! I swear it was now starting to get a little weird. After our snack I took him to show him my room. When he stepped in he kind of stopped and looked around. I immediately got a little concerned, but he didn't say anything. He then looked at my computer, TV, and Wii system, then walked over and started looking at my DVDs and CDs. He asked about a few of the indie CDs I got and I explained that I was really into European Indie music. I put on a CD by Yeallow and he really seemed to like it.

While we were sitting on my bed, just talking like we were best friends for years, we laughed. We really talked. I couldn't help but fall for him, just a little. There's no way I can let him know that, I don't want to lose a new friend because of it.

[To Be Continued]